Dirty Short Jokes

• I'm always making Freudian slips. Like this morning, over breakfast with my wife, I meant to say, "Could you please pass the sugar." But instead it came out as, "You heartless cunt, you ruined my life."
• Two ladies were riding their bikes down an unfamiliar road. “I’ve never come this way before,” says the first. The second replies, “Must be the cobblestones."
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
• What do you get when you mix human DNA with goat DNA? Kicked out of the petting zoo.
• Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
• What’s the German word for bra? Stoppemfromfloppen.
• What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer.
  
  What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye-dear.
  
  What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no penis? Still no fucking eye-dear.
• The chief of the tribe was asked how he chooses his members' names. "I name them after what I see at the time of their birth. If I see snow gently falling, I'll name the baby 'Snow Gently Falling,' if I see a flying hawk, I name the baby 'Flying Hawk.' Now, please tell me, why do ask, Two Dogs Fucking?
• What's the thing about skateboarding? Telling your parents you're gay.
• Guy comes home to his wife with a duck under his arm. He goes, "this is pig I've been telling you about." The wife goes, "What do you mean? That's a duck." Guy goes, "I wasn't talking to you."